Starving the Thoughts and Patience

        First, I would like to apologize to anyone who visits this blog from time to time in order to help aid in her or his recovery.  I have not been keeping up with my posts in recent weeks, which in some ways is a good sign, but does reflect a failure on my part to maintain a commitment to helping others as I continue to feel better.  My rationale and strategy recently has been to make DP/DR a less prominent part of my life, which is why I have not even been checking the email for the blog doing anything DP/DR related on the computer during the last few weeks.
        That being said I have learned that this strategy has proven effective in many ways.  Although I originally started the blog in order to help myself and others along the way in the recovery and healing process I did get some satisfaction in checking my blog and seeing that people were actually reading it and seemed to care about what I had to say.  Not that I was happy that people felt the need to seek the input of others (believe me I would not wish these circumstances on anyone), I think I experienced a normal level of pride or satisfaction in being recognized.  The problem with that is that I was associating blogging with something that was positive and wanted to hold on to in a way.  While the blog was initiated for my healing, it also became a part of my identity, which I think hindered my attempts to fully heal.  After reflecting on this a bit, I decided that religiously keeping up on my blog was not serving me and in turn would likely not be serving others either.  I do maintain that my ability and willingness to start focusing my energy on other people in my life has helped deflect my attention from the existential ruminations that were torturing me, however this can have negative consequences as well.  I started to take ownership of other people's symptoms, which could exacerbate my own.  As a result, I believe that we must be careful and deliberate in our attempts to help out.  I think that blogs, forums, and self-help websites serve an important role in helping ourselves and helping others, but I would caution anyone who starts her or his own blog or forum should consider the potential outcomes of the work and should also set clear boundaries for the project.  I have learned that the blog best serves me when I only check it when I have something to say.  In prior weeks I would sit down and start writing.  Now, I will only write on this blog if I have something to say and believe that it will serve others.  I do believe that it is important to "send the elevator back down" to the people still suffering terribly from DP/DR in order to help them achieve their goals.  Many people on the forum who have fully recovered say that they will never return to the website or the forum because they want no memory of what DP/DR is and what it was in their lives.  From the outset I believed that this would not be me, yet the people who have made this commitment do have a point.  In order for DP/DR to no longer be a part of your life it can not be a part of your life, meaning DP/DR should not factor into your day any more than it has to.  I have decided however that for the time being I will keep up the blog, but be more calculated in my visits and posts.  The pain is too unbearable for people to do this entirely alone, which is why I want to help in any way that I can.  But the best way to help might also be to set the example of not obsessing over the symptoms and to demonstrate proof that the symptoms can be overcome.    
        In addition, I have recently concluded that patience remains even more important to the healing process than I previously believed.  I have encouraged myself and others to remain patient and hopeful throughout my DP/DR experience, but may not have internalized this belief as much as I could have.  I have noticed that by allowing the feelings and thoughts to be what they are that they bother me much less.  I think that patience as it applies to the healing process from DP/DR should look something like a cross between submitting one's self to the circumstances of the symptoms and an ability to allow each day to be a tiny step in the direction of recovery.  I no longer allow myself to struggle against the symptoms.  I have a friend who says that you should not wrestle with pigs because you get dirty and the pig likes it.  This is how I view the interaction with DP/DR in my life.  I refuse to fight it.  Clearly, the scope and depth of the symptoms have confused and overwhelmed me for the past 8 months, but if I resist even giving DP/DR the time of day than it can not have as strong of a hold on my life.  Therefore, if the symptoms start to manifest during the day I just allow them to be what they are.  If I feel weird, I feel weird.  If I am not what I thought I was, that is ok.  If the universe is overwhelming and confusing, that is ok too.  The thoughts will be there and can only survive if I deliberately continue to feed them.  Do not get discouraged if they arise during your healing process.  Healing from something like DP/DR is not necessarily linear or even logical.  It is likely a little different for everyone and that is perfectly fine.  However, I can not stress how important patience will be in all of our efforts.  The last two days I have noticed a shift in my attention and a further lifting of the weight of the role DP/DR plays in my life.  I have been getting lost in the moment for longer stretches of time than I had been in the past couple of weeks.  Patience is working for me and I think it can help you too.