I think that I can finally share that full recovery exists on my horizon. First, let me say how enjoyable it is to feel improvement. Not to gloat, but I wanted to share this because I want people to know how good it feels to experience improvement. As with many others who experience anxiety and DP/DR, I have extensively researched recovery tips and have read stories from people who have lived with and overcome DP/DR. One of the most common things people have said in their recovery stories that you start to think about the negative thoughts less and less and eventually you never think about them. As much as anything DP/DR can be characterized as a thinking problem. While there are many physiological issues that cause and exist with my DP/DR (which is why I am taking Zoloft), the most problematic aspect of the experience has been the obsessive thoughts. Never before did I think that the most painful stimuli one could experience is one's thoughts. But there is no doubt in my mind that the alpha and the omega for joy and suffering is the human mind. Without getting too anecdotal, I will share that I have read stories where people can literally convince themselves that their pain is not as intense because of the power of thought. Similarly, I have read about imprisoned monks who have come to love their captors because of the power of thought and love. I am in awe of my own capacity to not only experience pain and discomfort, but also to be the creator of this pain. As a result, I am convinced that as much as anything the change in my thought patterns has helped me recover.
I will corroborate what others have said before me in saying that the thoughts either arise less and less or they diminish in their importance and control over you. I will not say that I am fully "healed" or "recovered" yet, but I am loving life much more than I was when I first started writing these posts. I am more excited to get up every day. I am excited to live again. My thoughts don't ruin my days anymore. I also believe, as I've said in the past, that we need to lay out the path for our own success. Just as new parents prepare a room for their newborn baby, it is important to prepare our lives for the healing we want to recover. What can you change about your life or your environment that will set you up for success? What does a "healed" home look like? What does a "healed" person's schedule include? How does a recovered person spend his or her free time? How does a healed person handle stress and anxiety? Certainly there are little things that you can change. I love the mornings, but in January when my DP/DR symptoms began I started to sleep in to avoid the discomfort of my days. A couple of weeks ago I broke this pattern and started scheduling activities early in the day to get me out of bed and enjoy the morning air. Sure enough I am able to get out of bed now and I am enjoying my waking hours more.
Admittedly there is quite a bit of work that has gone into my recovery. But please do not mistake hard work as some sort of panacea for your symptoms. Patience is. Commit to your program, find ways to adapt it if need be, but more than anything I have needed time to recover. I do not know why I have what I have. I do not know how I am now feeling better. But I do know that I have not wavered from my program for even one day and I am now beginning to feel better. DP/DR is not terminal cancer. It is not paralysis. It is not Alzheimer's. While there isn't a "cure" that I know of, I do know that it does not have to last forever. The biggest obstacle in recovery is fear and once I began to overcome my fear, I started to overcome my DP/DR. And do not think for one second that your case is rare or incurable. Nothing could be further from the truth. DP/DR is well known in the healthcare field. My friend who is a medical student just finished his psychiatry rounds and told me that he learned about DP/DR during these rounds. While we may be inclined to think that our case is special or the outlier, chances are this is our ego talking. Although every case may be different on the surface, in reality DP/DR is very treatable. In addition to fear we are our own biggest obstacle to healing. Whether or not every case is different I can not say, but I do know that we all entered the experience with different backgrounds and mechanisms for coping and dealing with problems in our lives. This is likely why some people only experience DP/DR for a few months and some for many years. This is not a critique on other people's personalities, but rather my speculation that we all have aspects of our personality that serve us and others that hinder our improvement. I think that my unyielding commitment to my treatment plan has served me well (this results from my personality trait of embodying diligence), but my inability to just let go and accept has hurt my progress.
What is it about your personality that serves you in healing DP/DR and what is it that hurts your recovery? Were you extroverted before you experienced DP/DR? Then maybe go out and tap into that potential. Are you compassionate? Than maybe spend more time helping others. Do you like the outdoors or physical activity? Get back in the gym or go on more hikes. What about aspects of your personality you have always wanted to improve? Are you introverted? Maybe you can find one little way to make connections with others. Do you anger easily (I do)? Look into relaxation techniques like meditation or spend some time thinking about what triggers your anger. Do you hate exercise? Maybe you can find something fun to play like kickball or dodgeball or something that you have enjoyed in the past. The point is that we can control quite a bit in our recovery process. Yes, Zoloft has helped. And yes I have gone on and on about my yoga and meditation experience. But more than anything, even more than my work in therapy, I credit myself for my continued and sustained steps of healing. You have quite a bit of power and you can live happily and more fulfilled.
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