Some Insight Into the Symptoms

        As my symptoms continue to fade and now occupy a less prominent place in my life I have gained some insight as to what makes the symptoms feel uncomfortable and I can now speculate as to what exactly has gone on and is going on with me.  Like many people who have been affected by DP/DR, I have spent a notable amount of time researching the symptoms and seeking out success stories from people who once lived with DP/DR, but now live happy and peaceful lives.  One of the common themes of people who have moved past DP/DR has been the notion that DP/DR does not necessarily exist on its own, but rather results from or relates to problems with anxiety.  Although anxiety has occupied a large role in my life during the last seven years or so, I always looked at these success stories with a level of skepticism.  My doubts came from my reluctance to embrace all encompassing statements about DP/DR as well as my belief that one cannot be diagnosed over the internet.  I did not rule out the possibility of DP/DR being strongly tied to anxiety, but I did not fully embrace the idea either.  However, recently my opinion has developed more strongly towards the role anxiety plays in exacerbating and perpetuating the affects of the symptoms of DP/DR.
        On its best days depersonalization and derealization embody many complicated and ambiguous elements of the human psyche and capacity for discomfort and alienation.  As a result, people who have felt these symptoms often feel overwhelmed and, at times, hopeless.  While I do not feel DP/DR as strongly as I did even a month ago and I would self-evaluate as being close to 100% healed, at this point there is still a little something that does not feel right.  I expect that "normal" for me will look different than it has in the past, but that is actually a good thing because my former way of experiencing the world was not working for me and ultimately led to my depersonalization and derealization.  As my DP/DR recedes I am able to see the large role that anxiety plays in supporting and upholding the strength of the symptoms.  If anxiety does not cause DP/DR and if anxiety is not one in the same as DP/DR than they are certainly neighbors of one another if not close relatives.  The worst parts of DP/DR for me revolved around the obsession with the nature of existence my detachment from my experience.  What I have learned as I have healed is that these feelings result more from my experience of anxiety than anything.  I can say this because even though my DP/DR has mostly faded I still feel anxious at times throughout the day and I have noticed that many of the thought patterns of my anxiety match the ones that I had when I experienced the world almost entirely through the lens of DP/DR.  Please note that I use the word "lens" deliberately as I have always held that DP/DR is just another way of looking at a world and an existence that was always there.  We just happen to be experiencing it through a glass half empty point of view.
        For those who are still experiencing DP/DR and are not even at a point to accept the possibility of anxiety's role in your feelings I encourage you to start thinking about it.  Try to think of the times you've felt the worst.  What preceded these feelings?  What do you think caused them?  What was the physical sensation of your emotional experience.  No one with DP/DR and anxiety is beyond hope.  I also know that many people feel that they will never heal.  This is not true.  I want you to understand that your symptoms are causing you to feel this way.  But I want you to think about the period of time you've had DP/DR and I want you to think about a period of time when you didn't have the symptoms.  What's the difference?  What is the same about both periods of time?  I know my body and cognitive abilities are essentially the same.  I may have lost some weight due to stress and changing my diet a bit, but my basic body makeup is the same.  I can still think critically about the topics I enjoy and I still remember all of my high school math.  The only difference between me now and me in high school (at least when it comes to DP/DR and anxiety) is the way I see the world and my place in it.  Remember if you're reading this you made it through a day with DP/DR.  You're still here, but you just may not like how you feel about being here.  Remember also that there are many different types of people who experience DP/DR.  Surely there are laid back people who worry about it and there are obsessive thinkers who experience it.  In both cases the thought processes at least partially contribute to the discomfort and hopelessness.  Anxiety is a powerful, powerful, aspect of the human experience.  I didn't think this until I felt better and really started to get in touch with my feelings.  I didn't realize how bad my anxiety was until I started doing some soul searching as a result of DP/DR in my life.  This isn't to say this is true for everyone, but I will end by saying that please don't allow anxiety to block and impede your judgement and experience of life.  You will live whether or not you have DP/DR and you will live with or without anxiety.  However, the way we live with those experiences is what will define the quality and enjoyment of our lives.