Taking a moment to reflect on the past four months of my life as they pertain to the symptoms it occurred to me that there are many benefits to not only accepting my symptoms (as opposed to resisting them), but to embrace and celebrate them. The feelings of detachment from myself and my environment have at times been unbearable, but I'm proud to have made it through another day and more importantly I'm proud of the results of all of my effort.
I developed my DP/DR symptoms after many years of repressing my feelings, ignoring my anxiety, and coping with life's challenges in unhealthy and unhelpful ways. Everything that I have read regarding the physiological components of DP/DR and my psychiatrist's opinion suggests to me that DP/DR are manners in which the brain protects itself. It is a perfectly natural thing to happen and does not suggest that someone is losing his or her grip on reality. In fact it shows that the brain is working. We may not like this function or we may not know what caused our bodies to react this way, but the symptoms exist and that we can not argue with.
As a result of now knowing that I am not "going crazy" and I will heal even more and recover fully, I can now comfortably say that I needed DP/DR in my life. There would not have been very many other things that could have happened to me that would have compelled me to make the changes in my life that I have over the past four months. Not anxiety. Not depression. Not the loss of a loved one. No, my experience with DP/DR has been the driving force behind the changes in my life. The feelings have been anywhere from uncomfortable to unbearable, but they got me moving in the right direction. While I continue to struggle with my feelings about the symptoms at times, I can recognize the role they are playing in my life and ultimately will help shape who I will become. My therapist said that I will witness much more rapid recovery when I can not only accept my symptoms, but actually embrace them and celebrate their role in my life. Acceptance is one thing, but celebrating them shows a deep level of recovery and an opportunity for me to become a better person.
I have documented my recovery for many reasons, one of them being that I wanted to have evidence for other people to read and acknowledge that shows we can overcome these feelings and symptoms. Just look at my journal entries over the past six weeks and you will see that recovery is possible and that DP/DR does not have to be a miserable experience and it doesn't have to last forever. The symptoms and feelings of DP/DR have compelled me to involve myself in many things that will help me have a successful life both physically and mentally. Since developing the symptoms at the end of December I now: meditate and practice physical yoga daily, I write in my journal every day, I go out of my way to help other people, I have become a more thoughtful and compassionate partner, I go out of my way to socialize, I have stopped drinking, I am kinder to the people in my life, I have more routine and efficiency in my day, I clean up more around and outside of the house, I am more introspective and in touch with my feelings, I have found better ways to channel and stop my anger, I have incorporated relaxation strategies into my day, and I have rediscovered my love for learning. None of the above stated actions would have occurred without the extreme discomfort I felt as a result of DP/DR.
Remember the symptoms of DP/DR do not last forever and they do not have to be a part of any of our lives if we maintain a commitment to the process of healing. If nothing else I am proud to say that I have made many positive changes that will allow me to function in society better and to be a better partner and friend. Embracing our symptoms is not easy, and I don't know if I am there yet. But I will say that the less I have resisted the feelings the easier my days have become. So I think it's logical to conclude that if I go one step further and embrace them than I will feel even better. I am more convinced now than ever that love conquers all and that the natural arc of our lives bends towards happiness. However, happiness is not a birthright, but rather something for which we all need to work. Stay positive. Keep faith. Remain patient. Celebrate your recovery process.
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